Learning to draw the curtains....for your own peace.

 Yes, I am aware that you must have always heard and spoken about ' DRAWING A LINE'. 

" We know where to draw a line in our relationships."

"This is my limit to listen and I've drawn a line there."

"We've decided to draw a line and not talk about this matter beyond that."

"My kids are not allowed to argue further and cross that line drawn"

Over the years of mothering ,spousing , struggling , loving , failing , winning , contemplating , believing , failing again, winning again and still doing everything over and over again .....one thing that I have achieved, is the wisdom to accept and trust that " Drawing a line NEVER works". Drawing the curtains DOES"."

Alright, I'll  not play with your thoughts too much and come straight to try answering your question :

HOW IS DRAWING THE CURTAINS DIFFRENT FROM DRWAWING A LINE?

When you draw a line or in other words decide not to bother, not to think, not to pay attention , not to stress or not to talk about a certain topic or matter, you decide it and become accountable and responsible for your decision. Which is good ..being responsible is good. 

On the contrary , you have shut the door for any possibility that may arrive in future. 

For instance, you have decided to never talk to your child about his/her studies because he/she talked back and it has hurt you as a parent. You've drawn a line on that study topic. 

Now what? You can survive for a few days or even weeks observing him/her right in front of you wasting time , taking a lifetime to just finish one little piece of homework .Enjoying the day not bothering enough or to be honest almost forgetting that you are still present. (Believe me , you will observe and exaggerate things a bit more when you have drawn a line.) 

Eventually, you start having second thoughts about your decision.

 "Why did I draw that line?" 

Was I wise enough to think that or I just said that or decided that in the heat of the moment?" 

"What will he/she think about me if I enquire about his/her studies now?"

That's the door which is shut. 

Let's have a look at the same instance when you draw the curtains.

Curtains allow us to somewhat see through. If  not that , at least there is an option to shift them a little and have look at the view.

Instead of drawing the line on the study topic if you decide to draw the curtains and say" All right, do what ever you can with your studies and I'll be there only to help if you want some." Here, you never stop any possibility to arrive and are free to never taking your words back. This is also called the 'avoidance of extremes' or 'moderation.'

Moderation always helps in relationships. Relationship with your family, with your work or even with yourself. It lets us shed the ego and practice love . 

What else except this is needed to survive with people around you?

This 'avoidance of extremes' or what I call 'Drawing the curtains' is vouched upon in various holy books too. Maybe in a different manner but the importance can be clearly felt.

Like many essential ways of living which we already know, this is one of the oblivious ones.

We as humans tend to forget the things we should be considering for an easy life. Always. We know what should be done yet we complicate things. When read somewhere or said by someone else, we realize that "Yes, that's true . I know that. Why couldn't I do it in this way?"

The problem is, that most of us are therapists , healers , problem solvers (or what ever you want to name it ) for others. When it comes to ourselves....we are clueless , helpless and wait for an outside source to guide us. We fail to help ourselves.

It is understandable that not everyone has the wisdom and knowledge to provide others with good thoughts and values. The irony is, that people who never motivate others or are unable to help or solve anyone's problems are extremely good at solving problems for themselves. They do not seek advice or solutions elsewhere. (PS: I kinda envy them 😏)

Those who fall in the first category of beings , will get their head around the fact that I'm talking about here. I'm sure .

The idea here is to try to believe that we are good (rather best) at being our own therapists. No matter how less experienced we are at making ourselves feel good or at peace, we need to put that trust in ourselves. It might take time and tons of energy but we can try . SELF HELP is the best help . You will have no shadow of doubt if you try that for once. 

Drawing the curtains is one of the examples of self help. You will thank your future self whenever you avoid drawing the line and choose to draw the curtains instead.

For now , I thank YOU for being patient enough to read my thoughts here. Hope this helps in some way. 

See you again in another blog. Waiting for your comments.

Remember : "IN DRAWING THE CURTAINS...LIES THE BALANCE OF LIFE." 

-Shipra P Vasisth